If anyone hacked my phone (please don’t…that’s just not cool), they’d see an odd list saved under the notes section. It includes a pirates parody with Michael Bolton. Another from the Hoff. A link to strange animal pictures. Andy Samberg at his best in an old SNL skit. I pull up one of the items listed if I’m in instant need of a smile. If something has made this list, it’s a surefire way to make me smile or laugh no matter what has just happened.
In order to fully understand the situation that I’m about to describe, I suggest you visit https://www.comedywildlifephoto.com/gallery. Look at the first picture of the winner from 2015.
This is the one:
(And take a look at the whole gallery from 2015 and 2016 at some point. Trust me. It’ll make your day.)
Ok. So you’ve heard about Diesel, the chipmunk I’ve befriended. There are plenty of chipmunks around. But Diesel and I have a bond that I don’t have with the others.
Imagine my surprise when I was enjoying coffee on the back deck a few weeks ago, listening to the church bells ringing through the valley on a beautiful Sunday morning, and a little furry chipmunk runs toward me at full speed and doesn’t stop until she launched herself onto my boots. Like, running leap. It reminded me of when we used to run at the chain link fencing around the tennis courts in college and jump, sprawling out all fours and sticking onto the fence and holding the pose.
She just sat there and looked up at me like it was the most normal thing for a chipmunk to do to a human.
Maybe the word was out that I was the thing to go to for a free breakfast. Or that I wasn’t a predator. Or the peanuts she was hoarding from last year and is now eating had started to ferment.
But when she ran at me like a bat out of hell a second time, I began to wonder if she had a screw loose. Kami, the crazy fur ball. Kami, short for Kamikaze.
I was outside in front of my shop, bent over to spray paint the legs of this table black, and through the cloud of black mist, Kami appears like the 2015 winner pictured in that link. She seems to emerge out of the cloud in slow motion as my brain tries to register what is going on in front of me. When it caught up, I yelled and swatted at her to avoid having a chipmunk clinging to my face. Besides, it’s not healthy for me to inhale those fumes, let alone a creature that size. Also, she may or may not look like a baby black squirrel from her little stunt. (Dude. WHAT KIND OF ANIMAL JUMPS INTO A CLOUD OF SPRAY PAINT??)
I almost had a heart attack while mowing this past week and Kami ran right up to the lawn mower. Bounced right up full speed to the blades. Yeah. Again. NOT COOL. This crazy chipmunk is going to give me a heart attack.
Soooooo…the table is names after Kami because I will forever look at these iron legs and shake my head, thinking of that incident.
And fittingly, the Kamikaze cocktail is made of equal parts of three ingredients. This table is made from three things: wood, rock, and iron.
I know better. Wood, stone and iron are heavy. This table takes two people to move it easily.
I love a stone inlay in almost anything. I also love how I didn’t have to chainsaw this slab. Thank you to whomever did the work for me on a remote road and left this present for me.
This will be for sale at whatever show I have an extra set of muscles to lug it to. In the meantime, it’ll reside with the original Kami, who hopefully will dial it down a notch.